IRISH
1. Guinness
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
4. Pubs never close
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on
6. No one can ever remember the night before
7. Kill people you don't agree with
8. Stew
9. More Guinness
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence

FRENCH
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
2. Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with deodorant
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not

ENGLISH
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
2. Proper beer
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power
8. Bathing once a week — whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh or Scottish

AMERICAN
1. You can have a woman president without electing her
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
3. You can call Budweiser beer
4. You can be a crook and still be president
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun
7. You get to be really obese
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth, when you're not, at all

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